Monday, April 12, 2010
Sunday, April 11th, 2010. 8:00pm
The scent of repellent is reminding me of beach trips-usually I don’t put it on unless I’m on vacation. Now it’s part of my night routine, or at least it has been for the past few days- the rainy season is starting and there are more mosquitoes. I thought I had heard thunder a little bit ago and I began to get worried. I definitely just heard it again about two minutes ago so that confirmed that a thunderstorm might be on the way. On this Sunday night, inside of this house and on this bed it would be nice to sleep to the sound of rain- if the circumstances were ideal. But, how can they be considering that a single rain drop only makes me think of the thousands of people on the street, sleeping under tents, under pieces of “tent material”, under sheets and clothes tied up, under whatever is available as a roof. Many of these people, I’m sure, don’t have this gravel or any kind of floor and, I’m sure the water gets in their tents. If these rainy nights keep on occurring, how are people sleeping? How can I sleep knowing I’m so close to all of it?
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
April 6th, 2010. 8:00pm
Nothing seems that interesting to write right now. Things are beginning to be easier for me and today and yesterday have been kind of…. plain. A lot of work, everything is getting better and easier in general- and I am happy about this. Actually, in two days it will be two weeks since I have left Costa Rica and although it has been very hard at times, I am thinking that it’s gone fast. Two months should feel this way after they’re over (like it was yesterday). I still have to begin accomplishing my own personal goal which has to do with photography. I don’t think I will spend any more weekends on beaches with volunteers. Sunday was great and and it’s nice to get to know everyone (staff and volunteers) here better, but.. I want to photograph. I want to go to the city (as depressing as it is) and I want to talk to Haitians. Everything I am doing here is impersonal, I go to the UN base, I see people from different countries, I talk mostly to people in English, I look out the window but that’s all. I interact with other Latin Americans, I smile at kids at least 30 times a day, I tell them my name but wish we spoke the same language.
I don’t go in the houses in the villages that are now crowded with thirty kids, most of them who have lost parents at the earthquake- they have either really lost their parents or whose parents are out there- just not with them. And I know that my job is really important. If it weren’t for me volunteers and staff wouldn’t arrive and there wouldn’t be a lot of communication with the UN (this is a very important relationship) however, my job does not really deal with getting to know Haitians. I know I am helping and this is what matters the most to me, it feels good to know that I was given this job basically because I speak English and Spanish (and now I am even using my Portuguese), but this job deals a lot with writing e-mails and being at the office.
This is why I hope to spend my next Sundays, our free days, trying to accomplish my personal goals. I want to get to know Haitians better. I’d also love to get to know the beaches, but I’m not here on vacation.
I don’t go in the houses in the villages that are now crowded with thirty kids, most of them who have lost parents at the earthquake- they have either really lost their parents or whose parents are out there- just not with them. And I know that my job is really important. If it weren’t for me volunteers and staff wouldn’t arrive and there wouldn’t be a lot of communication with the UN (this is a very important relationship) however, my job does not really deal with getting to know Haitians. I know I am helping and this is what matters the most to me, it feels good to know that I was given this job basically because I speak English and Spanish (and now I am even using my Portuguese), but this job deals a lot with writing e-mails and being at the office.
This is why I hope to spend my next Sundays, our free days, trying to accomplish my personal goals. I want to get to know Haitians better. I’d also love to get to know the beaches, but I’m not here on vacation.
Monday, April 5, 2010
Everyone is asleep on Easter Sunday at 8:23pm. So not everyone, but a lot of people, including those at my house-...like my roommate… I’m typing on my computer in the dark… I usually use my computer at the office, which is about a three minute walk, but it was lonely tonight and I was a little impatient about uploading new photos. I think it’s really early to go to sleep, even the kids at the village are still awake- I can hear them. I’m already tired so it’s good that I stay up even a little more- I will be even more tired when I fall asleep. Getting a good night sleep has not been that easy. My struggle last night was with my pillow. They gave me a really thick pillow, I’m usually not picky with places where I sleep etc, but I do know that I like thin pillows. During the first nights I just put some clothes inside of the pillow case and this helped.. last night this wasn’t working so I went back to the pillow. Then that was uncomfortable and I ended up waking up at different points to switch back and forth. There’s been only night in which I have slept extremely comfortable and right now I can’t remember which night it was. Most of the time some kind of noise wakes me up. But, I’m getting used to things.
Please don’t be fooled by the beach photos I am uploading. We went to the beach today and if it looks like paradise- that’s because it was paradise. Am I in paradise? No. Does any part of my daily life here consist of this kind of scenery? Not at all. It was a break for all of us, for me it was a complete disconnection to the past week, my first full week in Haiti, and I must say… the hours we spent at the beach, Obama Beach (yes, that is the name), were probably the most relaxing and nicest hours I have spent since I arrived. It was absolutely beautiful… another world compared to what I’ve been seeing this week. I didn’t get to see a lot of the real Haiti today. During the car ride there – or should I say bus ride, because we had to take the SOS bus to fit all +20 volunteers/SOS staff from different countries – I sat next to Lourdes, a woman from Honduras who is very nice… we talked during the whole one hour and a half trip. I didn’t look out the window very much (and there wasn’t that much to look at), we were really into our conversation (which I will get into later). We arrived at Obama Beach Hotel, swam, took a boat ride, swam in the deep water (amazing), listened to my music on my ipod while I fried under the sun, met some Brazilians from the Brazilian army, forgot I was in Haiti or what I’m doing here, felt in paradise, ate two sandwiches (this part not so great, wish we could get good, fresh food), got back on the bus, listened to music and passed out. I woke up back at the village. I felt like I got back a new person- full of energy for the week. It was a good Sunday to re energize myself for what is coming this week- Nadine, the Jamaican woman from my team, is leaving on Thursday.. so I have four more days of “our team”. After that, I’m in charge. I would love to share about the work I will be doing this week but honestly, just writing about it and thinking about it begins to stress me out. I am enjoying these last few moments of my Sunday, I’m still thinking of Obama beach. Tomorrow at whatever time I wake up, probably around 6am, my brain will begin functioning mostly for my SOS position as a “logistic coordinator” for donations and etc. We have a lot of things we are trying to work out now, so I should be full of work…. which is another reason I am writing now. Tomorrow, when I have time, I can just post this online and the photos and that’ it, I probably won’t have time to write.
So I’ve been talking to some people about how strongly I feel about the trash situation I saw in Port-au-Prince. I mentioned it before here and I am still thinking about it. That might be- so far- what has had the biggest impact on me. I am amazed at how these people are walking as if they were walking through Paris. Most others who I talked to here are agreeing that it is pretty horrible. Some people here are saying, well, there is nowhere to put the trash. Nadine kind of opened my eyes a bit the other day when I told her that I am about to do something about it. What can I do? I am not sure… but I want to do something. Is there an NGO dealing with this trash situation? Is the government talking about it? I don’t know. Is there a meeting I can go to? I am not even an environmentalist, but I am very, very concerned.
So I was telling Nadine and she said she doesn’t think I understand the magnitude of the earthquake. I thought why wouldn’t I understand if it’s right here in front of me. Then she said basically this “these people are not concerned with the trash. They are thinking of where they are going to sleep tonight. They could care less about the trash. Walking through it should be the last of their concerns. They have too much on their mind to truly mind walking through it.” So then I thought about this and I thought, well, she has a point. If I had lost my family and my home during the earthquake, I’d definitely be spending my time worried about other things besides trash.
But… I thought about it some more and I am not sure I agree with Nadine anymore. It’s not just me who thinks this way- I’ve talked about it with Tomy, one of the Spanish volunteers, and I talked about it with Lourdes during the bus ride today. And, if you’ve been to Haiti at one point or another- you might agree. The mentality here… it’s very, very different to what we’re used to. I mean, I imagine an earthquake in San Jose, and I know we can’t compare the poverty, but let’s say it affected some of the poorest areas of my city, I am sure SOMEONE (might be from out of that area) would take some charge and AT LEAST the trash would be removed to one place, AT LEAST there would be an attempt, a concern. Am I right or wrong?
Tomy says the people here are only thinking about tomorrow, they would be fine sleeping in these tents for the rest of their lives, their concern is about whether they will have food and water for the following day. Of course not everyone in this country has this mentality and I hope I am not judging, I am just sharing my thoughts, I am not around Haitians that much (unfortunately). Lourdes is in charge of hiring new staff for SOS here. Basically, we all form part of an emergency relief team. The long-term goal is to have all Hatian staff working. Lourdes, who uses a translator for the interviews, was telling me stories about these interviews and how most people she interviewed, not all, but most, seem like they don’t want to succeed, get better, aim higher, become better professionals, think about their future, what they want, where they want to be, carreer wise, family wise, etc. She said a woman came in saying she had three children and had been working for the past two years to take care of her children. Her husband doesn’t work and hasn’t worked during these two years. She told Lourdes she understand because “he’s not good at anything” (literally that is what she said) so she decided she should just work. Lourdes asked her if she was going to have another child and she says she doesn’t think about it. Lourdes is impressed with these stories. Fortunately, she says she has found exceptions.
I need to really learn the history of Haiti to really understand what brought them to this state… but for now I am just thinking of what is happening now, and it goes way beyond the earthquake. We, all the people here who think like me, who are really trying to help out in a way, make the any difference we can make, whether small or not, whether it is here at SOS Village where the kids are in “heaven”, need to work with those Haitians that are different.
Please don’t be fooled by the beach photos I am uploading. We went to the beach today and if it looks like paradise- that’s because it was paradise. Am I in paradise? No. Does any part of my daily life here consist of this kind of scenery? Not at all. It was a break for all of us, for me it was a complete disconnection to the past week, my first full week in Haiti, and I must say… the hours we spent at the beach, Obama Beach (yes, that is the name), were probably the most relaxing and nicest hours I have spent since I arrived. It was absolutely beautiful… another world compared to what I’ve been seeing this week. I didn’t get to see a lot of the real Haiti today. During the car ride there – or should I say bus ride, because we had to take the SOS bus to fit all +20 volunteers/SOS staff from different countries – I sat next to Lourdes, a woman from Honduras who is very nice… we talked during the whole one hour and a half trip. I didn’t look out the window very much (and there wasn’t that much to look at), we were really into our conversation (which I will get into later). We arrived at Obama Beach Hotel, swam, took a boat ride, swam in the deep water (amazing), listened to my music on my ipod while I fried under the sun, met some Brazilians from the Brazilian army, forgot I was in Haiti or what I’m doing here, felt in paradise, ate two sandwiches (this part not so great, wish we could get good, fresh food), got back on the bus, listened to music and passed out. I woke up back at the village. I felt like I got back a new person- full of energy for the week. It was a good Sunday to re energize myself for what is coming this week- Nadine, the Jamaican woman from my team, is leaving on Thursday.. so I have four more days of “our team”. After that, I’m in charge. I would love to share about the work I will be doing this week but honestly, just writing about it and thinking about it begins to stress me out. I am enjoying these last few moments of my Sunday, I’m still thinking of Obama beach. Tomorrow at whatever time I wake up, probably around 6am, my brain will begin functioning mostly for my SOS position as a “logistic coordinator” for donations and etc. We have a lot of things we are trying to work out now, so I should be full of work…. which is another reason I am writing now. Tomorrow, when I have time, I can just post this online and the photos and that’ it, I probably won’t have time to write.
So I’ve been talking to some people about how strongly I feel about the trash situation I saw in Port-au-Prince. I mentioned it before here and I am still thinking about it. That might be- so far- what has had the biggest impact on me. I am amazed at how these people are walking as if they were walking through Paris. Most others who I talked to here are agreeing that it is pretty horrible. Some people here are saying, well, there is nowhere to put the trash. Nadine kind of opened my eyes a bit the other day when I told her that I am about to do something about it. What can I do? I am not sure… but I want to do something. Is there an NGO dealing with this trash situation? Is the government talking about it? I don’t know. Is there a meeting I can go to? I am not even an environmentalist, but I am very, very concerned.
So I was telling Nadine and she said she doesn’t think I understand the magnitude of the earthquake. I thought why wouldn’t I understand if it’s right here in front of me. Then she said basically this “these people are not concerned with the trash. They are thinking of where they are going to sleep tonight. They could care less about the trash. Walking through it should be the last of their concerns. They have too much on their mind to truly mind walking through it.” So then I thought about this and I thought, well, she has a point. If I had lost my family and my home during the earthquake, I’d definitely be spending my time worried about other things besides trash.
But… I thought about it some more and I am not sure I agree with Nadine anymore. It’s not just me who thinks this way- I’ve talked about it with Tomy, one of the Spanish volunteers, and I talked about it with Lourdes during the bus ride today. And, if you’ve been to Haiti at one point or another- you might agree. The mentality here… it’s very, very different to what we’re used to. I mean, I imagine an earthquake in San Jose, and I know we can’t compare the poverty, but let’s say it affected some of the poorest areas of my city, I am sure SOMEONE (might be from out of that area) would take some charge and AT LEAST the trash would be removed to one place, AT LEAST there would be an attempt, a concern. Am I right or wrong?
Tomy says the people here are only thinking about tomorrow, they would be fine sleeping in these tents for the rest of their lives, their concern is about whether they will have food and water for the following day. Of course not everyone in this country has this mentality and I hope I am not judging, I am just sharing my thoughts, I am not around Haitians that much (unfortunately). Lourdes is in charge of hiring new staff for SOS here. Basically, we all form part of an emergency relief team. The long-term goal is to have all Hatian staff working. Lourdes, who uses a translator for the interviews, was telling me stories about these interviews and how most people she interviewed, not all, but most, seem like they don’t want to succeed, get better, aim higher, become better professionals, think about their future, what they want, where they want to be, carreer wise, family wise, etc. She said a woman came in saying she had three children and had been working for the past two years to take care of her children. Her husband doesn’t work and hasn’t worked during these two years. She told Lourdes she understand because “he’s not good at anything” (literally that is what she said) so she decided she should just work. Lourdes asked her if she was going to have another child and she says she doesn’t think about it. Lourdes is impressed with these stories. Fortunately, she says she has found exceptions.
I need to really learn the history of Haiti to really understand what brought them to this state… but for now I am just thinking of what is happening now, and it goes way beyond the earthquake. We, all the people here who think like me, who are really trying to help out in a way, make the any difference we can make, whether small or not, whether it is here at SOS Village where the kids are in “heaven”, need to work with those Haitians that are different.
Friday, April 2, 2010
Friday, April 2.
I kind of suck at blogging… I can’t figure out how to upload photos with captions at the bottom or how to get my photos at a larger size, and I also had to re-post my first two post and I can’t change the date. If you can help me, let me know.
First of all, if you have been keeping up with me you know I had deleted my two posts as well as some of the photos. I will be putting back all the photos and even adding some new ones. Since I first started this blog I was unsure about it for several reasons, one being that I usually don’t write and share, but I guess the intention was to let my family and closest friends know how I am doing and what my days consist of. My brother posted the link on facebook without consulting me (you can tell me he doesn’t know me very well). My mom shared it with her friends, and whatever… it’s out in public now. Oh well, everyone meant well, it’s ok. It makes sense that people are interested in reading about someone who is volunteering in Haiti.
So, welcome. Hopefully I will be posting a lot and sharing pictures. I have already gotten some feedback from people and they are enjoying my posts. This will be an experiment for me and a little bit of a sacrifice.. I’m used to writing very personal things (I usually keep a journal) and although this might sound personal, and it is of course, it will not cross a limit. There are things I just simply can’t share and bla bla.. but that’s what my conversations with family and friends are for. I hope I have some time to write in my journal as well.
Another reason why I was unsure about starting a blog is because I am volunteering for an organization, and it’s well-known non-governmental organization which I am just starting to know. I was unsure about what I could write, what I couldn’t say, what people would think, if I could post photos of places I visit (the UN base here, for example). After some conversations I got to the understanding that since I am not an official part of the organization and since I am writing for my own personal reasons and not for them, that I am free to write and post photos. I will have to change some names, especially of the children, but that doesn’t matter.
It’s Friday and it’s 12:25pm, almost lunch time. I haven’t been getting hungry during lunch time the last few days. I guess because when I think of going to our “dining room” I just get a bit down. Yesterday it was 1:30 and I just didn’t want to face going to eat. But, I’m keeping positive. I’m getting excited about little things- like yesterday we had “pancakes” (basically they could be the weirdest pancakes you could ever have but here they are a luxury)- just some thin, flour-tasting pancakes made which whatever ingredients we have (there is no butter here). Right now I’m drinking a Tampico Island Punch juice box- I noticed several boxes of juices which expired two weeks ago, so now I am telling everyone we should be drinking this. This might be the closest to a fruit I’ll get so I’ll enjoy it.
I didn’t really eat dinner yesterday because all the volunteers went to the gas station and had sandwiches and “crepes” – I had two bites from one of the Spanish volunteers, I’m still scared of getting sick and nauseous and whatever. I keep having images of the millions and millions of amazing meals I’ve had in my life but at the same time I’m also trying to force those thoughts away. They do me no good. This will pass, and in my long life, it will be a short period. I need to think of others who are in these conditions, like others here, other volunteers, or soldiers around the world. It must get really boring to eat those ready-to-eat packages.
Since I haven’t written about what has been going on lately, let me give you some updates. Niklas, one of the two german volunteers (or should I saw x-volunteers) left on Wednesday. He was training me also, he explained some things to me, others not so thoroughly … I will understand it little by little. Nadine says a lot of things don’t really get explained to people here. You just figure it out. So, I’ll figure it out. I know I didn’t get to spend a lot of time with Niklas and Louis, but I wish they were still here.
Today is Good Friday- a holiday for my family.. this week actually, while I’ve been here making a big effort to dedicate most of my time to being productive at the village, my friends are probably on vacation at the beach. I haven’t thought too much about this being Semana Santa. I’d love to go to mass on Sunday, but I really doubt I will get the chance. I don’t think any of the other volunteers are planning on going and we are very limited on cars right now. I think we might go visit a beach on Sunday.
Today in the morning we picked up two volunteers from Nicaragua and one left to El Salvador. We went to the hospital to see Marevie. She is doing well. I got to see her smile- or as much of as smile she is capable of. Last time I went to see her she began crying when I left, but this time I was with the three others and there was a girl from the village taking care of her, so leaving wasn’t as dramatic.
First of all, if you have been keeping up with me you know I had deleted my two posts as well as some of the photos. I will be putting back all the photos and even adding some new ones. Since I first started this blog I was unsure about it for several reasons, one being that I usually don’t write and share, but I guess the intention was to let my family and closest friends know how I am doing and what my days consist of. My brother posted the link on facebook without consulting me (you can tell me he doesn’t know me very well). My mom shared it with her friends, and whatever… it’s out in public now. Oh well, everyone meant well, it’s ok. It makes sense that people are interested in reading about someone who is volunteering in Haiti.
So, welcome. Hopefully I will be posting a lot and sharing pictures. I have already gotten some feedback from people and they are enjoying my posts. This will be an experiment for me and a little bit of a sacrifice.. I’m used to writing very personal things (I usually keep a journal) and although this might sound personal, and it is of course, it will not cross a limit. There are things I just simply can’t share and bla bla.. but that’s what my conversations with family and friends are for. I hope I have some time to write in my journal as well.
Another reason why I was unsure about starting a blog is because I am volunteering for an organization, and it’s well-known non-governmental organization which I am just starting to know. I was unsure about what I could write, what I couldn’t say, what people would think, if I could post photos of places I visit (the UN base here, for example). After some conversations I got to the understanding that since I am not an official part of the organization and since I am writing for my own personal reasons and not for them, that I am free to write and post photos. I will have to change some names, especially of the children, but that doesn’t matter.
It’s Friday and it’s 12:25pm, almost lunch time. I haven’t been getting hungry during lunch time the last few days. I guess because when I think of going to our “dining room” I just get a bit down. Yesterday it was 1:30 and I just didn’t want to face going to eat. But, I’m keeping positive. I’m getting excited about little things- like yesterday we had “pancakes” (basically they could be the weirdest pancakes you could ever have but here they are a luxury)- just some thin, flour-tasting pancakes made which whatever ingredients we have (there is no butter here). Right now I’m drinking a Tampico Island Punch juice box- I noticed several boxes of juices which expired two weeks ago, so now I am telling everyone we should be drinking this. This might be the closest to a fruit I’ll get so I’ll enjoy it.
I didn’t really eat dinner yesterday because all the volunteers went to the gas station and had sandwiches and “crepes” – I had two bites from one of the Spanish volunteers, I’m still scared of getting sick and nauseous and whatever. I keep having images of the millions and millions of amazing meals I’ve had in my life but at the same time I’m also trying to force those thoughts away. They do me no good. This will pass, and in my long life, it will be a short period. I need to think of others who are in these conditions, like others here, other volunteers, or soldiers around the world. It must get really boring to eat those ready-to-eat packages.
Since I haven’t written about what has been going on lately, let me give you some updates. Niklas, one of the two german volunteers (or should I saw x-volunteers) left on Wednesday. He was training me also, he explained some things to me, others not so thoroughly … I will understand it little by little. Nadine says a lot of things don’t really get explained to people here. You just figure it out. So, I’ll figure it out. I know I didn’t get to spend a lot of time with Niklas and Louis, but I wish they were still here.
Today is Good Friday- a holiday for my family.. this week actually, while I’ve been here making a big effort to dedicate most of my time to being productive at the village, my friends are probably on vacation at the beach. I haven’t thought too much about this being Semana Santa. I’d love to go to mass on Sunday, but I really doubt I will get the chance. I don’t think any of the other volunteers are planning on going and we are very limited on cars right now. I think we might go visit a beach on Sunday.
Today in the morning we picked up two volunteers from Nicaragua and one left to El Salvador. We went to the hospital to see Marevie. She is doing well. I got to see her smile- or as much of as smile she is capable of. Last time I went to see her she began crying when I left, but this time I was with the three others and there was a girl from the village taking care of her, so leaving wasn’t as dramatic.
Tuesday, March, 30th, 2010.
Photos I took from the car window..
It's 7:42pm Haiti time, I'm at the office. I haven't been able to write not because I haven't had the time, but because unfortunately I haven't been feeling very well. I'm hoping and praying that no day left here is worse than yesterday. Is that a lot to ask considering I have about 55 days left here? I hope not. I will eat very little from now, I know I need strength, but I don't want to be more sick than yesterday, and yesterday I wasn't even that sick.
Basically I don't think that sandwich from the gas station up the street or cereal with whatever milk in the morning did me any good. I still had a ton to learn yesterday (everyday here during this first week is very important because like I said, everyone is leaving and things will be left to me) so I didn't want any kind of feeling bad to stop me from being productive and learning. Even though I was feeling a little nauseous, I still went with Nadine to figure out some donation thing...
I will be in charge of incoming donations to SOS here in Santo and since SOS is a big NGO then we get a lot of big donations from a lot of other big NGO's. It probably sounds like a difficult task, and I think it will be. At least right now it seems a bit confusing, hopefully with time I'll be be able to understand everything. Basically, I need to go to the warehouses, which are part of the World Food Programme, to pick up the donations we receive. By donations I mean large quantities of things: water, matresses, beds, tents, diapers, etc. So when I say pick up, it means I get a chauffeur, get a truck, guide the chauffeur to the warehouses (there are two and I already know where they are), sign some papers, make sure the things get put in the truck, and drive back to the village.
So at around 9am we left to the private port of Port au Prince.. I didn't even know the port was in Port au Prince but about thirty minutes into the drive I began to see a little bit of destruction and some tent camps. So then I asked and Nadine confirmed we were going into the city. We passed some market (the grand market apparently) and I began to think this- I really doubt there can be a worse place to be right now than Port au Prince. That is how horrible I felt about the city yesterday. I began to feel extremely disgusted and even more in shock... me, in the back seat of a truck, nauseous, looking at tons and tons of people doing everything on the street (again, eating, washing, bathing). I felt so out of it that it's hard to even remember exactly what I saw yesterday- I just now that I didn't like what I was seeing at all.
So what we were trying to figure out yesterday was a way to get some donations out of the public port here in Port au Prince. We are having complications, I couldn't get into the details because I don't understand it perfectly- but basically, we just had to go to a lot of places and talk to a lot of people, because we are having trouble getting it. Because of the earthquake, a lot of offices have moved, and that also made our trip a lot longer yesterday.
So we first went to the port, where I did manage to get out of the car and meet some people and pretend I was feeling fine. Then we drove around downtown and talked to different people ..and that's where I began to see even more destruction than Sunday and suddenly it wasn't just my nauseous stomach...my legs began to feel weak and suddenly, all of my energy was gone. I felt down, confused, I began to get a headache and in this extremely hot and sunny day, with all the people and rubble and trash I was seeing out of the window, I began to ask myself why I had decided to come and what I was going to do here. All of a sudden, I lost all of my strength to grab my camera and take a picture and I decided I didn't even want emotional strength to look. I wished with all of my heart and all of my mind that what was in front of me was just a dream- or a nightmare, better said- and that I would wake up and be back in Costa Rica, where right now everything is luxury. I thought, what am I doing here, these people are used to this, eating this food, seeing this poverty, walking through the rubble, taking extremely crowded "bus rides", smelling others who haven't showered in days... what good can I do to these people, one, two or three people could never make a difference (this is me not thinking straight of course).
The worst part was me having to wait in the car for them because by 12 pm, it was clear I wasn't feeling very well and I was not going to get anything out of listening or being a part of these conversations. So during one of these waits I finally forced myself to vomit, something I had been wanting to do since the morning. I didn't want to do it on the street because I didn't want to look like a white person making the city even dirtier, so I had to hide inside of the car and fortunately, the chauffeur had a bag I could use. Doing this (sorry if it is too disgusting) is not easy for me, that's why it took me all morning and that's why I forced myself... but at one point I knew I had to do it to feel better. I looked up the window and cried a little bit of frustration.
But I did feel a little bit better after that. We drove back around 2pm and I spent the 1hr. ride back with my eyes closed, with my sun in my face, sleeping and having my thoughts on far away places... When I got back the rest of the volunteers could tell I wasn't feeling very well. I felt extremely weak and I felt guilty for having so much to learn and really not being able to. But, everyone is very understanding here. They told me not to worry- to go lie down. I went to the house and took a nap for about two hours I woke up feeling a little better.
During nighttime I knew I had to eat something, so I went to dinner, not looking forward to what would be there for me. So far, all of what I have eating here has depressed me. I have realized how great of a diet I have had.. basically my whole life. Hopefully two months of this kind of diet (which will be mentioned more in future posts) won't do me any harm- just teach me about patience and strength. I drank some soup that the volunteers from Spain had cooked- no worries, it was basically like one of those maggi noodle soups. I walked back to the house, took some pills, prayed for a better day the next day and talked to my mom on the phone a little bit and explained her my situation. She told me to be patient- everyone had felt like that when she had gone. I tried to pass out..
At around 11pm, I heard some people fighting. I was half dead from feeling sick and from taking pills, so the noise and the yelling sounded even worse than they probably were. I began to pray... listening to some men scream at each other in some unknown creole scared me, and it wasn't just the men, you could tell a lot of people were getting into it, others were screaming, even woman, and of course, millions of dogs were barking.... I know that the fight happened outside of the gates of the village, outside of our little safe area, and I know that we are far from Port au Prince, where the worst happens, but I still felt scared. I prayed until I stopped listening to this commotion about twenty minutes later.
I thought to myself, this for sure, has been one of the worst days of my life.
Don't get sad about reading this story- today was a new day- as the day progressed I began to feel stronger and stronger, I'm being careful with what I eat but I am eating, for sure. I had half an apple I had grabbed in Santo Domingo for breakfast and a little bit of Corn Flakes (without milk), for lunch I had tuna from Costa Rica (I was so excited about eating this tuna for lunch, this is how bad it is now) and for dinner I had some spaghetti - everything just a little bit. I don't think I will be able to eat a lot of salads here (not safe and there isn't a lot) or fruits (there aren't any). But for me, this is the worst part about being here-and of course the living conditions aren't that great- but that is a lot more easy to deal with (at least for me) than the food.
Today I was able to process, memorize and understand a lot of what I will be doing. I spent my day with Niklas, the german volunteer who is leaving tomorrow. I'm sad because he is nice, he is cool and also there won't be a lot of young people left here. But, there a lot of nice people here so it will be okay. We went to the UN base to pick up some volunteers from Bolivia, followed some paperwork in different parts of the UN Base, like the World Food Programme and in the afternoon we went to a warehouse to pick up 5 palettes of beds, a donation from the German army. Later in the afternoon, I took some pictures of some the children from the village laying and playing on these beds- I used a flash because it was late and dark inside of the tent.
I feel a lot better than yesterday. Maybe people are right- the first days are the hardest. These are the very very very very first days of two months- but from now on, I will keep being positive, this will pass, this will be my reality for very little time, and I know many many many people are proud of me- unless I get extremely sick, I will be fine and be here as planned. And most importantly, we are doing this for the kids, the village used to have 150 kids.. since the earthquake there are almost 500 kids. The number of kids changes everyday- we receive some- some are reunited with the families.
As far as photography, not sure anymore about my exact goals.. photographing in Port au Prince seems like an extremely difficult thing to do, and wanting to tell stories also seems difficult considering I don't speak french or creole.. there are always translators, but it's not the same. Time will tell...
It's 7:42pm Haiti time, I'm at the office. I haven't been able to write not because I haven't had the time, but because unfortunately I haven't been feeling very well. I'm hoping and praying that no day left here is worse than yesterday. Is that a lot to ask considering I have about 55 days left here? I hope not. I will eat very little from now, I know I need strength, but I don't want to be more sick than yesterday, and yesterday I wasn't even that sick.
Basically I don't think that sandwich from the gas station up the street or cereal with whatever milk in the morning did me any good. I still had a ton to learn yesterday (everyday here during this first week is very important because like I said, everyone is leaving and things will be left to me) so I didn't want any kind of feeling bad to stop me from being productive and learning. Even though I was feeling a little nauseous, I still went with Nadine to figure out some donation thing...
I will be in charge of incoming donations to SOS here in Santo and since SOS is a big NGO then we get a lot of big donations from a lot of other big NGO's. It probably sounds like a difficult task, and I think it will be. At least right now it seems a bit confusing, hopefully with time I'll be be able to understand everything. Basically, I need to go to the warehouses, which are part of the World Food Programme, to pick up the donations we receive. By donations I mean large quantities of things: water, matresses, beds, tents, diapers, etc. So when I say pick up, it means I get a chauffeur, get a truck, guide the chauffeur to the warehouses (there are two and I already know where they are), sign some papers, make sure the things get put in the truck, and drive back to the village.
So at around 9am we left to the private port of Port au Prince.. I didn't even know the port was in Port au Prince but about thirty minutes into the drive I began to see a little bit of destruction and some tent camps. So then I asked and Nadine confirmed we were going into the city. We passed some market (the grand market apparently) and I began to think this- I really doubt there can be a worse place to be right now than Port au Prince. That is how horrible I felt about the city yesterday. I began to feel extremely disgusted and even more in shock... me, in the back seat of a truck, nauseous, looking at tons and tons of people doing everything on the street (again, eating, washing, bathing). I felt so out of it that it's hard to even remember exactly what I saw yesterday- I just now that I didn't like what I was seeing at all.
So what we were trying to figure out yesterday was a way to get some donations out of the public port here in Port au Prince. We are having complications, I couldn't get into the details because I don't understand it perfectly- but basically, we just had to go to a lot of places and talk to a lot of people, because we are having trouble getting it. Because of the earthquake, a lot of offices have moved, and that also made our trip a lot longer yesterday.
So we first went to the port, where I did manage to get out of the car and meet some people and pretend I was feeling fine. Then we drove around downtown and talked to different people ..and that's where I began to see even more destruction than Sunday and suddenly it wasn't just my nauseous stomach...my legs began to feel weak and suddenly, all of my energy was gone. I felt down, confused, I began to get a headache and in this extremely hot and sunny day, with all the people and rubble and trash I was seeing out of the window, I began to ask myself why I had decided to come and what I was going to do here. All of a sudden, I lost all of my strength to grab my camera and take a picture and I decided I didn't even want emotional strength to look. I wished with all of my heart and all of my mind that what was in front of me was just a dream- or a nightmare, better said- and that I would wake up and be back in Costa Rica, where right now everything is luxury. I thought, what am I doing here, these people are used to this, eating this food, seeing this poverty, walking through the rubble, taking extremely crowded "bus rides", smelling others who haven't showered in days... what good can I do to these people, one, two or three people could never make a difference (this is me not thinking straight of course).
The worst part was me having to wait in the car for them because by 12 pm, it was clear I wasn't feeling very well and I was not going to get anything out of listening or being a part of these conversations. So during one of these waits I finally forced myself to vomit, something I had been wanting to do since the morning. I didn't want to do it on the street because I didn't want to look like a white person making the city even dirtier, so I had to hide inside of the car and fortunately, the chauffeur had a bag I could use. Doing this (sorry if it is too disgusting) is not easy for me, that's why it took me all morning and that's why I forced myself... but at one point I knew I had to do it to feel better. I looked up the window and cried a little bit of frustration.
But I did feel a little bit better after that. We drove back around 2pm and I spent the 1hr. ride back with my eyes closed, with my sun in my face, sleeping and having my thoughts on far away places... When I got back the rest of the volunteers could tell I wasn't feeling very well. I felt extremely weak and I felt guilty for having so much to learn and really not being able to. But, everyone is very understanding here. They told me not to worry- to go lie down. I went to the house and took a nap for about two hours I woke up feeling a little better.
During nighttime I knew I had to eat something, so I went to dinner, not looking forward to what would be there for me. So far, all of what I have eating here has depressed me. I have realized how great of a diet I have had.. basically my whole life. Hopefully two months of this kind of diet (which will be mentioned more in future posts) won't do me any harm- just teach me about patience and strength. I drank some soup that the volunteers from Spain had cooked- no worries, it was basically like one of those maggi noodle soups. I walked back to the house, took some pills, prayed for a better day the next day and talked to my mom on the phone a little bit and explained her my situation. She told me to be patient- everyone had felt like that when she had gone. I tried to pass out..
At around 11pm, I heard some people fighting. I was half dead from feeling sick and from taking pills, so the noise and the yelling sounded even worse than they probably were. I began to pray... listening to some men scream at each other in some unknown creole scared me, and it wasn't just the men, you could tell a lot of people were getting into it, others were screaming, even woman, and of course, millions of dogs were barking.... I know that the fight happened outside of the gates of the village, outside of our little safe area, and I know that we are far from Port au Prince, where the worst happens, but I still felt scared. I prayed until I stopped listening to this commotion about twenty minutes later.
I thought to myself, this for sure, has been one of the worst days of my life.
Don't get sad about reading this story- today was a new day- as the day progressed I began to feel stronger and stronger, I'm being careful with what I eat but I am eating, for sure. I had half an apple I had grabbed in Santo Domingo for breakfast and a little bit of Corn Flakes (without milk), for lunch I had tuna from Costa Rica (I was so excited about eating this tuna for lunch, this is how bad it is now) and for dinner I had some spaghetti - everything just a little bit. I don't think I will be able to eat a lot of salads here (not safe and there isn't a lot) or fruits (there aren't any). But for me, this is the worst part about being here-and of course the living conditions aren't that great- but that is a lot more easy to deal with (at least for me) than the food.
Today I was able to process, memorize and understand a lot of what I will be doing. I spent my day with Niklas, the german volunteer who is leaving tomorrow. I'm sad because he is nice, he is cool and also there won't be a lot of young people left here. But, there a lot of nice people here so it will be okay. We went to the UN base to pick up some volunteers from Bolivia, followed some paperwork in different parts of the UN Base, like the World Food Programme and in the afternoon we went to a warehouse to pick up 5 palettes of beds, a donation from the German army. Later in the afternoon, I took some pictures of some the children from the village laying and playing on these beds- I used a flash because it was late and dark inside of the tent.
I feel a lot better than yesterday. Maybe people are right- the first days are the hardest. These are the very very very very first days of two months- but from now on, I will keep being positive, this will pass, this will be my reality for very little time, and I know many many many people are proud of me- unless I get extremely sick, I will be fine and be here as planned. And most importantly, we are doing this for the kids, the village used to have 150 kids.. since the earthquake there are almost 500 kids. The number of kids changes everyday- we receive some- some are reunited with the families.
As far as photography, not sure anymore about my exact goals.. photographing in Port au Prince seems like an extremely difficult thing to do, and wanting to tell stories also seems difficult considering I don't speak french or creole.. there are always translators, but it's not the same. Time will tell...
First Post, Sunday, March 28th.
Sunday, March 28th.
It’s 5:38 pm and I am inside of an improvised office in a city outside of the capital of Haiti. I will spend a lot of time inside of this office during the next two months and I will spend most of my time in this SOS Children’s Village. I will not leave much because it is not safe- actually, my job will require me to leave some, probably daily, but I will always be accompanied by a chauffer or someone from SOS. We won’t be going too far either…. my daily trips will consists of going to the UN base and some warehouses, both are about fifteen minutes away- without traffic.
For the past three days I’ve been trying to process all the information given to me- the person I am now replacing (Louis) left about two hours ago and most of what he did has been left to me- fortunately, I will have two others from the team (German Niklas and Jamaican Nadine) who will continue guiding me during the next couple of days. Unfortunately, they are both leaving soon so by mid-April many things will be in my hands. It is a lot more than what I expected, or at least it seems this way, so I feel I have a lot of responsibility on me during these two months. I, for example, will be in charge of coordinating UN airplane and helicopter flights for all volunteers who will arrive and leave. I am the only person right now who is allowed to sign permission for these flights. I will also be in charge of figuring out logistics for all incoming donations for SOS here. I will learn more about this task tomorrow and Tuesday. I will also write weekly reports and will show visitors the village sometimes.
I could already write a book on what I’ve seen and what I’ve done during the past few days. All of what you will read here can only tell a bit. So far, I feel fine here.. maybe a little scared of the fact that I have about 57 days left here, sometimes I wonder how it will go and if there will be really hard moments. A lot say that the first days are the hardest, but I can’t say the first days have been hard. At least until now… I’ve been fine, feeling mostly lucky to be here.
We’re not supposed to work on Sundays. It’s the day we get to rest, which I’m sure all the volunteers here need because it seems as if people are working really hard these days. I got told that on Sundays volunteers usually go to the beach or to see Port-au-Prince. Today, really early, around 7am, I went with Louis, the German volunteer I am replacing, to drop off another volunteer who was leaving (Steven) at a field close to a children’s hospital. This is where the helicopter picks up people. The helicopter was a little behind schedule so we waited about an hour in the car. Louis is only twenty but for the two months he was here he helped the village a lot. I’ve been hanging out a lot with him because he’s been training me and because he is really cool.
So, Steven, Louis and I waited in the car for about an hour. It was hot, as usual, but we had the air conditioning. We talked about all the places we’ve been and where we all want to travel. Then, the helicopter arrived and we said good-bye to Steven. Too bad because he was also really nice and among the youngest here.
Right after, I went with Louis to the children’s hospital to visit Marevie. She is a baby that Louis is really close to right now. She is about a year and a couple of months, I think, and Louis and other SOS volunteers noticed how malnourished she was during a visit to a community center. They put her in a hospital. The story is really sad because she was being taken care of by her father’s girlfriend and she was feeding all of her biological children, but not her.
It was my second time going to see Marevie. I’m impressed with how easily we are able to access the hospital- we basically just park close the entrance, walk in, go up the stairs and walk in the room. Louis says no one stops us because we are white and we have an SOS tag.
We walk in (by the way, this is one of the nicest hospitals here) and there is Marevie sitting in a crib. It is obvious that she enjoys it when Louis comes to see her, to hold her and to talk to her, but it is also obvious that she is unable to show this or any other emotion. Unlike a healthy baby, she does not smile, does not make noises and hardly moves. I held her the last time we went and you can feel her breathing really deeply. She has a problem with of her lungs, one part collapsed. I don’t know if she will be okay, but I am glad Louis introduced me to her because I definitely will keep visiting her.
When we came back to the village all the other volunteers had left to go to a beach. I didn’t really want to go to the beach anyways because I wanted to see Port-au-Prince. Louis, Niklas (the other german volunteer, one of Louis’ best friends) and I drove to the city. We almost turned around at one point, doubting how safe it was for three white people to drive around.
The more I am here, the more I realize how dangerous this place is – or so it seems. I think about the many photographs I’ve seen on nytimes.com or other websites and I wonder how photographers were able to stand in those streets. They put their life in a lot of danger. I will not be doing the same and I still have to figure out a way to photograph as much as I can- and be safe. I will keep thinking about this for the next few days because I want to go back to Costa Rica with a group of great photographs. I don’t necessarily have to be in Port-au-Prince, but it seems as if it is dangerous in most places. I will photograph the children here at the village (again, it is very safe here), but I want more than this. Either way, the camera will be with me always.
We drove into the city and I began to see destruction. Tent camps. People. Lot’s of people, people washing their clothes by the street, naked kids getting washed outside of the tents, men with bags of little bags of water on their head. The closer we got to the capital the more destruction I saw- some buildings are tilted in a way that it seems as if any other little temblor/earthquake would make it fall in one second. I saw buildings that were untouched, others that were half destroyed, others that I could not even make anything out of it, it was all rubble. There was trash everywhere, chicken/hens and other animals, alive and among all this trash.. all kinds of trash and dirty water. Lots of people were just sitting and I thought, why can’t they pick up this trash or clean up just a little bit. The amount of work that will have to be done to clean up (not rebuild), just clean up the city is indescribable, unimaginable. It was the worst scenes I have ever seen in my life, and hopefully the worst I will ever see. It seemed unreal that a city got destroyed in such way. Almost three months after the earthquake and at least where I saw, there was absolutely no effort of any type of cleaning. I know this country has been left with all kind of major problems and right now it seems as if the priority is to give people food. So I guess the clean up will eventually come, but I wonder when. It will have to come, and after that, the rebuilding.
It really seemed as if the only improvement after the earthquake (as far as what the places looks like) was the removal of the dead bodies (and there are many more left underneath the rubble).
I was definitely shocked. The people on the streets seemed fine, walking to whatever destination, as if they are walking among any other city in the world. They must have gotten somehow used to seeing the destruction.
We visited the cathedral, I did take some pictures there, but the doors were closed and we couldn’t get in. We still walked through the rubble. We also got to see what I had seen many times in pictures, the presidential palace.
We drove quickly and carefully, these are a few photos I took from the car, window close. I wished I could just be invisible and walk through those streets with my camera.
When we got back I took a nap (all the volunteers stayed up late last night talking)- I’m still getting used to sleeping with this hot weather.
Louis left at 3pm. A helicopter came to the village. Niklas and I drove to a gas station half a mile from here and got sandwiches. I’ll get into the food later, that’s another subject. So far eating here will be a big struggle- if not, the biggest. Let’s just say in two months, I will really really really enjoy a home cooked meal at any of my aunt’s house or anywhere away from here.
Ok, enough for today. I saw many other interesting things today, but I will write more later. Happy Bday Cata.
It’s 5:38 pm and I am inside of an improvised office in a city outside of the capital of Haiti. I will spend a lot of time inside of this office during the next two months and I will spend most of my time in this SOS Children’s Village. I will not leave much because it is not safe- actually, my job will require me to leave some, probably daily, but I will always be accompanied by a chauffer or someone from SOS. We won’t be going too far either…. my daily trips will consists of going to the UN base and some warehouses, both are about fifteen minutes away- without traffic.
For the past three days I’ve been trying to process all the information given to me- the person I am now replacing (Louis) left about two hours ago and most of what he did has been left to me- fortunately, I will have two others from the team (German Niklas and Jamaican Nadine) who will continue guiding me during the next couple of days. Unfortunately, they are both leaving soon so by mid-April many things will be in my hands. It is a lot more than what I expected, or at least it seems this way, so I feel I have a lot of responsibility on me during these two months. I, for example, will be in charge of coordinating UN airplane and helicopter flights for all volunteers who will arrive and leave. I am the only person right now who is allowed to sign permission for these flights. I will also be in charge of figuring out logistics for all incoming donations for SOS here. I will learn more about this task tomorrow and Tuesday. I will also write weekly reports and will show visitors the village sometimes.
I could already write a book on what I’ve seen and what I’ve done during the past few days. All of what you will read here can only tell a bit. So far, I feel fine here.. maybe a little scared of the fact that I have about 57 days left here, sometimes I wonder how it will go and if there will be really hard moments. A lot say that the first days are the hardest, but I can’t say the first days have been hard. At least until now… I’ve been fine, feeling mostly lucky to be here.
We’re not supposed to work on Sundays. It’s the day we get to rest, which I’m sure all the volunteers here need because it seems as if people are working really hard these days. I got told that on Sundays volunteers usually go to the beach or to see Port-au-Prince. Today, really early, around 7am, I went with Louis, the German volunteer I am replacing, to drop off another volunteer who was leaving (Steven) at a field close to a children’s hospital. This is where the helicopter picks up people. The helicopter was a little behind schedule so we waited about an hour in the car. Louis is only twenty but for the two months he was here he helped the village a lot. I’ve been hanging out a lot with him because he’s been training me and because he is really cool.
So, Steven, Louis and I waited in the car for about an hour. It was hot, as usual, but we had the air conditioning. We talked about all the places we’ve been and where we all want to travel. Then, the helicopter arrived and we said good-bye to Steven. Too bad because he was also really nice and among the youngest here.
Right after, I went with Louis to the children’s hospital to visit Marevie. She is a baby that Louis is really close to right now. She is about a year and a couple of months, I think, and Louis and other SOS volunteers noticed how malnourished she was during a visit to a community center. They put her in a hospital. The story is really sad because she was being taken care of by her father’s girlfriend and she was feeding all of her biological children, but not her.
It was my second time going to see Marevie. I’m impressed with how easily we are able to access the hospital- we basically just park close the entrance, walk in, go up the stairs and walk in the room. Louis says no one stops us because we are white and we have an SOS tag.
We walk in (by the way, this is one of the nicest hospitals here) and there is Marevie sitting in a crib. It is obvious that she enjoys it when Louis comes to see her, to hold her and to talk to her, but it is also obvious that she is unable to show this or any other emotion. Unlike a healthy baby, she does not smile, does not make noises and hardly moves. I held her the last time we went and you can feel her breathing really deeply. She has a problem with of her lungs, one part collapsed. I don’t know if she will be okay, but I am glad Louis introduced me to her because I definitely will keep visiting her.
When we came back to the village all the other volunteers had left to go to a beach. I didn’t really want to go to the beach anyways because I wanted to see Port-au-Prince. Louis, Niklas (the other german volunteer, one of Louis’ best friends) and I drove to the city. We almost turned around at one point, doubting how safe it was for three white people to drive around.
The more I am here, the more I realize how dangerous this place is – or so it seems. I think about the many photographs I’ve seen on nytimes.com or other websites and I wonder how photographers were able to stand in those streets. They put their life in a lot of danger. I will not be doing the same and I still have to figure out a way to photograph as much as I can- and be safe. I will keep thinking about this for the next few days because I want to go back to Costa Rica with a group of great photographs. I don’t necessarily have to be in Port-au-Prince, but it seems as if it is dangerous in most places. I will photograph the children here at the village (again, it is very safe here), but I want more than this. Either way, the camera will be with me always.
We drove into the city and I began to see destruction. Tent camps. People. Lot’s of people, people washing their clothes by the street, naked kids getting washed outside of the tents, men with bags of little bags of water on their head. The closer we got to the capital the more destruction I saw- some buildings are tilted in a way that it seems as if any other little temblor/earthquake would make it fall in one second. I saw buildings that were untouched, others that were half destroyed, others that I could not even make anything out of it, it was all rubble. There was trash everywhere, chicken/hens and other animals, alive and among all this trash.. all kinds of trash and dirty water. Lots of people were just sitting and I thought, why can’t they pick up this trash or clean up just a little bit. The amount of work that will have to be done to clean up (not rebuild), just clean up the city is indescribable, unimaginable. It was the worst scenes I have ever seen in my life, and hopefully the worst I will ever see. It seemed unreal that a city got destroyed in such way. Almost three months after the earthquake and at least where I saw, there was absolutely no effort of any type of cleaning. I know this country has been left with all kind of major problems and right now it seems as if the priority is to give people food. So I guess the clean up will eventually come, but I wonder when. It will have to come, and after that, the rebuilding.
It really seemed as if the only improvement after the earthquake (as far as what the places looks like) was the removal of the dead bodies (and there are many more left underneath the rubble).
I was definitely shocked. The people on the streets seemed fine, walking to whatever destination, as if they are walking among any other city in the world. They must have gotten somehow used to seeing the destruction.
We visited the cathedral, I did take some pictures there, but the doors were closed and we couldn’t get in. We still walked through the rubble. We also got to see what I had seen many times in pictures, the presidential palace.
We drove quickly and carefully, these are a few photos I took from the car, window close. I wished I could just be invisible and walk through those streets with my camera.
When we got back I took a nap (all the volunteers stayed up late last night talking)- I’m still getting used to sleeping with this hot weather.
Louis left at 3pm. A helicopter came to the village. Niklas and I drove to a gas station half a mile from here and got sandwiches. I’ll get into the food later, that’s another subject. So far eating here will be a big struggle- if not, the biggest. Let’s just say in two months, I will really really really enjoy a home cooked meal at any of my aunt’s house or anywhere away from here.
Ok, enough for today. I saw many other interesting things today, but I will write more later. Happy Bday Cata.
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